Abandoned by family, HIV diagnosis leaves her homeless, but she finds unexpected community.
Meet Kambiri (not her real name) a 23-year-old lesbian who grew up in a loving family in Lilongwe.
When she was diagnosed with HIV in 2023 and revealed her sexual orientation to them, everything changed. Her parents abandoned her, leaving her homeless and forced to find solace on the streets.
“My family said I was cursed, that I deserved my HIV diagnosis for being lesbian,” Kambiri recalls, her voice shaking. “They kicked me out, leaving me with nothing.”
With no home, no family, and no support, Kambiri was forced to live on the streets and started having suicidal thoughts. She scavenged for food and shelter and struggle to access antiretroviral therapy (ART)because thehealthcare facilities she visited were not inclusive or sensitive to her needs, a reality that often prevents gender and sexual minorities from receivingcare.
Finding community
One night, while seeking shelter in an abandoned building on the outskirts of Lilongwe, Kambiri met a community of LGBTQ+ youth, many of whom were also HIV-positive and rejected by their families.
“They accepted me for who I am, HIV and all,” Kambiri said. “For the first time, I felt like I belonged.”
Kambiri’s new family consisted of a 19-year-old trans man who protected her, a 22-year-old lesbian who offered wisdom, and a 25-year-old gay man who became her confidant.
Together, they scavenged for food, shared stories, and supported each other through the struggles of living with HIV.
Resilience
Despite ongoing hardships, Kambiri found strength in her new family. “I realized I wasn’t alone. There were others like me, fighting for survival and dignity,” she said.
After defaulting on her antiretrovirals for three months, Kambiriresumed treatment and began to rebuild her life. “I want people to know that being a lesbian and living with HIV is not a curse. It’s a part of who I am, and I am proud of who I’ve become,” she said.
Kambiri’s story is a testament to resilience and the power of community. Abandoned by her family, she created a new one that accepts her for who she is.
Mtendere (not his real name), a 20-year-old gay man living with HIVin Lilongwe, shared a similar story. Mtendere grew up in a conservative family in Central Malawi. He came out to them as gay at 18, hoping for acceptance. Instead, they rejected him, citing cultural and religious reasons.
“Many religions have scriptures that are interpreted as condemning LGBTQ+ identities. My parents’ homophobic attitude towards me was even worse,” he said.
After being disowned by family and friends who didn’t accept his sexuality, Mtendere faced emotional trauma, feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem, financial struggles, and homelessness.
“It was a terrible situation. I had nowhere to stay. Everyone abandoned me,” he recalls.“I had to explore survival strategies. I had to build new relationships with accepting friends, connected with some LGBTQ+ networks for emotional support, and prioritized self-care, seeking counseling and therapy.”
Mtendere now lives in a shared apartment with accepting roommates and has rebuilt his self-esteem and confidence. He still hopes for reconciliation with his family.
“Self-love and acceptance are crucial, and community support is vital. I believe one day I will reconcile with them,” he said.
But what do Kambiri’s and Mtendere’s families say? Are they concerned?
“We didn’t raise her to be this way,” Kambiri’s father said. “It is against our culture and religion. She has chosen a lifestyle that is not acceptable. We can’t support it. We love her, but we can’t accept her choices.”
Mtendere’s father shared similar reservations.“It is his choice not ours, but we cannot accept a gay person in our family,” he said.
Group Village Headman Mtande of Mchezi in Lilongwe is a member of the local chief’s forum of traditional leaders who address issues of local concern. He said there is local need for awareness campaigns on sexual orientation issues.
“It is very unfortunate that some of our children are being disowned because of their sexual orientation,” Mtande said. “It’s high time organizations realize the need of raising awareness. Our community should learn to accept and support LGBTQ+ individuals.”
Human rights activist and executive director of the Center for Human Rights and Rehabilitation (CHRR) Michael Kayiyatsa is working to bring about this change.
“As activists, we will continue to push for acceptance, inclusivity and protection of LGBTQ+ rights, despite rejection and adversity. We shall not relent in promoting and protecting human rights, particularly for marginalized groups, including LGBTQ+ individuals,” Kayiyatsa said.
Alex Kaomba, the programs manager for Community Health Rights Advocacy (CHeRA), said “We believe in the universality of human rights, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. What is happening to Kambiri and Mtendere is very unfortunate, and we cannot tolerate that. We are not asking for special treatment, just equality.”
CHRR’s 2019 study titled “Perceptions and Attitudes towards LGBTQI Persons in Malawi”,21% of LGBTQI respondents reported experiencing rejection from their families, 47% reported experiencing verbal abuse, 35% reported experiencing physical violence while 27% reported experiencing sexual violence.
The Center for the Development of People (CEDEP) provides shelter, counseling and HIV services to Malawi’sLGBTQI community while the Malawi Network for Religious Leaders Living with or Personally Affected by HIV/AIDS (MANERELA+) offers spiritual support and advocacy.
